One day I woke up in the
morning got dressed and went down stairs and had my breakfast and went to
school. Just as I was about to step on the school property, I saw a man
glaring at me at an angle. I didn’t know why he was beaming at me in the eye.
Then he started chasing after me. He almost got me by the hood but my I made a
sharp turn. I went home and locked the door. I saw my mom stuffing my treasured
candy in the pantry. I sat down and start crying but my mom said ''don't worry the cop got the robber that was chasing you. Plus I stuffed all of your brothers candy because he was eating too much''.
Hello Sensiboi,
ReplyDeleteYou started THREE sentences with "I", and since this was the topic of today's lesson, I assume you did not learn the lesson. You have used some interesting vocabulary e.g. 'glaring' and 'treasured', which helps paint a picture in your reader's mind; try to include more descriptive vocabulary. Only use 'and' in a sentence once, otherwise it is a run-on sentence. Keep on writing and improving.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Van